Relational Trauma, sometimes defined as Complex PTSD (CPTSD) occurs when there is ongoing, long term exposure to intense levels of stress. This can occur when clients have grow up in a family where there is mental illness such as Major Depression, Bipolar Disorder, Schizophrenia, Untreated PTSD or Trauma, etc. or when a parent has a personality disorder such as Narcissism. It can also occur when a parent is addicted to drugs or alcohol.
When parents or caretakers are mentally, emotionally, physically or sexually abusive, manipulative, exploitive, or neglectful, relational trauma can occur. Growing up in such an environment, we learn to make broad generalizations about our emotions, our needs, and relationships (whether or not people are trustworthy and will meet our needs). In these dysfunctional families, we learn the implicit rules of “Don’t Talk, Don’t Trust, Don’t Feel” – all things we need to do to be emotionally healthy.
Relational Trauma can also occur in any adult relationships when there is abuse, manipulation, coercion, or exploitation. There is often a misconception that abused individuals are targeted due to a perceived weakness but sometimes they are chosen or targeted due to their sensitivity, empathy, or strength.
Research shows that Highly Sensitive People who grow up in healthy families actually fare better than non-highly sensitive individuals. However, Highly Sensitive People who grow up in dysfunctional families, such as the ones mentioned above, tend to be more negatively impacted than those who are not highly sensitive. So, for HSP’s relational trauma can be especially problematic. Our sensitivities can put us at greater risk for emotional difficulties
Some of the Symptoms of Relational Trauma are:
The Center for Treatment of Anxiety and Mood Disorders describes the following possible symptoms of Relational Trauma.
Depression, thoughts of suicide
Anxiety and panic attacks
Fear of abandonment
Perfectionism, self-loathing, low self-esteem
Guilt, shame, wanting revenge
Flashbacks, memory repression, dissociation
Anger Issues. Rage displayed through violence, destruction of property or theft.
Loss of faith in humanity, isolation, trusting too much or too little, inability to form close personal relationships
Janet G. Woititz’s provides the following characteristics of ACOA’s (Adult Children of Alcoholics) – individuals who grew up in an alcoholic or any type of dysfunctional home.
Guess at what normal behavior is
Have difficulty following a project through from beginning to end
Lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth
Judge themselves without mercy
Have difficulty having fun
Take themselves very seriously
Have difficulty with intimate relationships
Overreact to changes over which they have no control
Constantly seek approval and affirmation
Feel that they’re different from other people
Are super responsible or super irresponsible
Are extremely loyal, even in the face of evidence that the loyalty is undeserved
Are impulsive—They tend to lock themselves into a course of action without giving serious consideration to alternative behaviors or possible consequences. This impulsively leads to confusion, self-loathing, and loss of control over their environment. In addition, they spend an excessive amount of energy cleaning up the mess.
Counseling Helps to Return Balance and Health
The commonalities of experiencing relational trauma are problems with depression, anger, anxiety, self esteem, boundaries, codependency, and trust in relationships. Relational trauma damages our ability to have healthy relationships with ourselves and others but counseling can help.
If you are in Colleyville, Grapevine, Keller, North Richland Hills, Southlake, or surrounding areas and would like to make an appointment or if you would like more information, please feel free to contact me at cecilylrodgers@gmail.com or 817-880-6535.
